i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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