after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize