just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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