Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
