Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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