....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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