I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
