She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
