She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize