our cab driver is having phone sex.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
