I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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