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you guys were way drunker than both of me
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
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