Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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