I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
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Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
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Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.