He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
