I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
