Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
