That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize