PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
