she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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