that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
