it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
it's like heaven, but drunker
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
