the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
