i just google imaged poop.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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