Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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