we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
