My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
