your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
