I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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