some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
