she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
