I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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