So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
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I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
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Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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