I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
