I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
