i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
