you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
