I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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