i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just pee around me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
