I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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