threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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