My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
well you can't waste a boner
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
