her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
