I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
