It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My dick has a subreddit
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
