Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
