Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
