i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
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I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
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He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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