All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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