Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
