you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
