a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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