The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My penis needs a shock collar
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
