Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
