Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
