after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
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Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
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It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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