He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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