i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
