Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I deserve this hangover.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
