I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
