I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
