You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
