So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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