At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
