Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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